Cheers to 2 Years

I can’t believe it but I’ve lived in this amazing city for TWO WHOLE YEARS!!! I felt so strongly about writing this very personal piece and am so excited to share with you all. Taking the leap to move here came after the hardest year of my entire life, and boy was that leap a blessing.

I never was the kid that sat around dreaming of living in the big city. I moved so much as a kid, I felt like I’d seen it all and could only ever think about finally getting to stay in one place. The spring of 2017, I was a hot mess. I had dug myself deep into a terribly unhealthy relationship, surrounded myself with toxic “friends”, and was going through two separate traumatic family circumstances that would forever change me. I was so full of constant anxiety and so horribly uncomfortable all the time. So many people will tell you to reach out of your comfort zone, but my whole life had been lived outside of a comfort zone and all I wanted was to dig roots, fit in, and fall into a consistent life. I was trying so hard to stay in this tiny box that seemed like where I should’ve been at that point in my life, that I just couldn’t breathe.

I got the offer for my current job completely at random. I was super hesitant because I thought I had finally learned how to stay in one place, and was dating someone I would stay with, and because I was checking all the “normal and necessary” boxes, I should’ve been so happy right where I was. But something was pulling at my heart, screaming, now is your time. Take this risk. Drop it all and run. I had spent my entire life running, how could running now be the right decision? Why did I feel called to leave such a safe space?

Life is full of ups and downs but sometimes, you are so blinded by wanting to be up, you don’t see how deep you have fallen. I read somewhere the other day that no matter how far into something you are, it’s never too late to back out. Boy do I wish my 20 year old self could have read that. My job offering was a blessing in disguise. Did I want to pack up my entire life and move to a city where I didn’t know a soul and leave my boyfriend of almost two years behind? Why of course not! But if I was truly happy with him, or with the people I had surrounded myself with, or the place I was living, then I wouldn’t have wanted, so badly, to leave.

I sat down during my break from work after getting the offer and created a list of pros and cons. I started with pros, the list was very long, and decided to move on to the negative side. It didn’t have one word, not even my boyfriend’s name. I sat and stared trying to think of one other reason in the world to stay, and I had nothing. I took the job, packed away my entire life, and moved to NYC.

Within 2 months, my eyes and heart became fully opened, I saw how mistreated I was, and ended my relationship. I met the girl who has become one of my dearest and closest friends. I fell in love with my job, I fell in love with the city, and eventually, I fell in love with a boy, too. The weight of the last years hardships was lifted from my shoulders, and with every day I spent in my new beginning, I learned to breathe again.

Over the last two years I have grown more than the entire first 21 years of my life put together. I have learned to be myself. I have found how to express myself. Most importantly, I have learned to leave people and places that don’t push me to be the very best version of myself.

If you’re in a place where you feel beat down, worn out, forgotten, or brushed aside, don’t stay there. Any person, be it a friend, significant other, or even a family member, who truly cares about you, will let you know your worth. They will lift you up and they won’t be the cause of what’s holding you back from being at your best. It’s never too late to walk away and it’s always okay to begin again. The next door you close could lead to you opening the greatest adventure of your life!

Cheers! Mackenzie

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